Book Review by doula Carly Williams
The Motherhood Space: A companion through the beautiful chaos of life as a modern mother. Book written by: Gabrielle Nancarrow
This book had me tearing up within the first 10 pages. Validated, heard, never alone are some stand out feelings that initially spring to mind. I only wish I had of carried this book with me since the beginning of my motherhood journey 7 years ago. As the cover describes it truly feels like a companion, a best friend to chat too when all your friends are tied up in the depths of nappy changes, rocking to sleep, processing the identity shift and ranges of emotions flowing, while trying to feed a baby.
This book is atheistically pleasing, eye catching and relatable. When you open it, the feel is very earthy, but modern, and the physical feel of the pages compliments this well.
The book has four main sections which are: Cultivating, Tending, Growing and Honouring.
Upon introduction to each chapter, I enjoyed reading the philosophical approach to the naming of these chapters and how they relate to motherhood.
Intertwined through this book are quotes. Some of the contributors are psychologist, mothers, midwives, doulas, authors, sexologists, bodyworkers. It’s hard not to have a relatable thought to each quote or statement.
Cultivating – There is so much love and grief in being a mother’ – Kara Hope
This chapter focuses on topics relating to the journey of everything that comes before the birth of your baby. It goes so far back questioning ‘Do I want to become a mother?’ ‘Am I ready?’ ‘How will it change me?’ ‘How will it change us?’ This chapter covers the heart-breaking journey of loss in pregnancy. It explores the important decision of selecting the model of care best suited to your values around birth and it goes into statistics around birth trauma. An opportunity to create awareness around how coercive, abusive, controlling behaviour is not beneficial in the birth space and is important for women to take their power back.
This chapter was a wonderful way to demonstrate the personal nature of becoming a mother and how the impact of that decision will affect all aspects of life. It showcases stories of women deciding that motherhood was not their journey and whether that came with grief or was a conscious decision, all were told in such a gentle way.
Tending – ‘I wish every mother knew that their intuition will unfold and guide them. The outside world can influence you and educate you, but in the end, the answers to everything lie in the relationship between you and your baby.’ – Greer Kirshenbaum
This chapter focuses on topics relating to the journey of the ‘fourth trimester’.
How impactful the first forty days are to a woman, the importance of pelvic health care. The journey from maiden to mother. Listening to your intuition and two of the most talked about topics when it comes to newborn behaviours – feeding and sleep. Ready this chapter emphasis the changes a woman goes through, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and more when she becomes a mother. I love the discussions in the chapter around what support a woman needs and the importance of nurturing yourself through the transition.
Growing – ‘The worry that comes with raising a child, protecting them, keeping them safe and guiding them, all while encouraging them to flourish as their own little person, has been the most unexpected element of mothering for me.” – Kate Bloom
This chapter focuses on topics relating to the journey of ‘growing’ into your role as a mother. The conflicting nature of finding opportunity to be alone yet feeling so lonely. It explores that pace of life that motherhood brings, in slower days and a simpler life through your child’s joyful eyes. It’s also about surrendering to the chaos and challenges. Learning to soak up the firsts, the lasts and letting go as well as navigating the feelings of another baby.
Honouring – ‘Matrescence is a transformation from who we used to be to the woman we are going to become. But the middle part is so painful. It is confronting, lonely, dark. It can also be filled with spectacular awakenings, but I think the reason we find it so challenging is because we don’t know that it’s normal to feel this way and we don’t know how to let go of that part of ourselves that isn’t there anymore. We are not going to show up to our work the way we used to, we are not going to show up in our relationships the way we used to, everything has changed. And because we don’t talk about it in our culture, this inner split we all feel as we move into motherhood stays with us and it gets bigger and harder and more painful.’
– Amy Taylor-Kabbaz
This chapter focuses on topics relating to the journey of what motherhood brings.
This would have to be my favourite chapter in the book. It is all the ‘things’ that we don’t hear enough of prior to conception, or that we choose not to acknowledge that these challenges may be ones that we are faced with in our journey.
From the mental load to self-acceptance and self-care, emotions, including rage, anxiety, guilt, loneliness and depression. It discusses relationships including friendships and community as well at your intimate relationships and your sexuality and my all-time favourite, Matrescence.
This truly is a wonderful book and a very gentle read. I recommend you bring tissues.
My name is Carly Williams, and I am a qualified birth and postpartum doula based in East Maitland, NSW. I completed my training through the Doula Training Academy. If you would like more information about my doula services, please contact me:
Carly Williams – Doula
Phone:
0499 594 313
Email:
[email protected]
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https://carlywilliamsdoula.com.au
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